We all want to get to yes, but what happens when the other person keeps saying no? How can you negotiate successfully with a stubborn boss, an irate customer, or a deceitful coworker?
Summary of "Getting Past No: There are usually reasons behind a person's uncooperative behavior. People may behave badly in negotiations out of anger or fear, because they don't know any more effective way to behave, because they don't see any benefit from negotiating, or because they see asserting their own power as the only alternative to being dominated.
Intransigent behaviors are likely to provoke an angry response, and so the effective negotiator faces the additional challenge of controlling their own reactions.
The first step in bringing the other party around to more effective negotiating behavior is controlling one's own behavior. When confronted with a difficult situation, people typically either strike back, give in, or break off the relationship.
These are counter-productive responses. When facing a difficult opponent, Ury recommends "going to the balcony. Instead, keep your mental equilibrium by distancing yourself emotionally and viewing the situation objectively. Decide whether it is worth negotiating in the situation.
Take a moment to recognize the tactics your opponent is using, and to recognize your own feelings and "hot button" issues. When in negotiations, pause, take a time-out, or review the discussion to date in order to gain time to "go to the balcony. The next step is to disarm the opponent by stepping to their side.
The goal is to reassure the opposite side and help them regain their own mental balance. Listen actively to them, by asking clarifying questions and paraphrasing their statements. Acknowledge their points and feelings. Apologize if appropriate, or at least express sympathy for their problem.
Focus on areas of agreement. Ury stresses the importance of saying and eliciting the word "yes" to reduce tensions and foster an atmosphere of agreement. The best way to get the opposite side to focus on interests is to ask open-ended, problem solving-oriented questions. Ask "why" questions to elicit the opponent's interests.
If they resist, ask them "why not" questions about alternative solutions. Position-based negotiating tactics can be handled by ignoring them, or by reformulating them. Reinterpret firm positions as aspirations.
Reinterpret personal attacks as expressions of concern, or as attacks on the problem. If the opponents continue to use counter-productive tactics, it may be necessary to explicitly but tactfully identify the problematic behavior, and have a negotiation about which tactics are appropriate.
Step four, Ury says, is to "build them a golden bridge" to draw them from their position to an agreement. Make it easy for them to say yes by removing common obstacles to agreement. Opponents may resist ideas that are not their own.
Avoid the temptation to tell other side what the solution is. Instead, ask them for their ideas and constructive criticisms. An opponent's resistance may indicate that she still has unmet interests. Try to understand the other side's logic and perspective, and do not overlook intangible interests such as needs for recognition, identity or security.
Many people will reject an agreement rather than lose face.In Getting Past No, William Ury offers a proven breakthrough process for turning adversaries into negotiating partners.
With state-of-the-art negotiation and mediation strategies designed for the twenty-first century, Getting Past No will help you deal with challenging times, . Getting Past No is the state-of-the-art book on negotiation for the twenty-first century.
It will help you deal with tough times, tough people, and tough negotiations. You don’t have to get mad or get even. Getting Past No • Shows how to navigate the obstacles that stand between you and Yes.
• You get to the most satisfying solutions and the optimal relationship when both sides are doing their best to engage the very real problems dividing them. 7. Excerpt from Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by William Ury. Whether you are negotiating with your boss, a hostage-taker, or your teenager, the basic principles remain the same.
In summary, the five steps of breakthrough negotiation are. Summary of Getting Past No: Negotiating With Difficult People By William Ury Summary written by Conflict Research Consortium Staff Citation: Getting Past No: Negotiating With Difficult People, William Ury, (New York: Bantam Books, ).
In Getting Past No, Ury presents a five-step strategy for negotiating with an uncooperative. Getting Past No. Our goal is to summarize the information so that even people that haven’t read the book will have a good understanding. Some versions have a different or no overview/prologue.
To do this we: This meant concentrating on new information.